A crossdreamer is a person who gains sexual, emotional and psychic satisfaction from cross gender ideas or behaviour. However, satisfaction is not the only side to the story; they may also be suffering to a greater or lesser degree because they cannot cross genders to the extent they would like.
The picture above perfectly captures the concept – Unlike autogynephilia, it’s dreamy, it’s deeper, it’s more about personality. .
What is the difference between crossdreaming and femephilia? Why do we need two terms?
While crossdreamers indulge in femephiliac sexual behaviour, their cross gender psychology is more profound and rooted in the personality. In other words, the sexual aspect is only one of a number of cross gender traits. A crossdreamer has a complex – and often rich – relationship with the other gender which is tied up with his entire sense of self. Telling him that it is just about sex is like telling a man the only reason he is with his wife is for sexual motives.
The appeal of the term for many in the transgender community is the incorporation of the word ‘dreaming’ which – with its multiple connotations – captures many of the nuances of cross gender fantasy and behavior.
This is in contrast to the stark behavior of pure femephiliacs. The second they reach climax their cross gender experience is over. They have no gender issues or desire to cross gender in any context other than a sexual one (furthermore, they may be embarrassed about their sexual tastes). For the crossdreamer however, sex is only a part of their cross gender experience.
Crossdreaming as a form of autogynephilia denial
For those quacks who are determined to reduce all cross gender arousal to a paraphilia or fetish, crossdreaming is seen as the dressing up of a sexual fetish in flowery language to make it seem less sexual. It is also a favored target of internet trolls who like to harass proponents of the term and accuse them of converting autogynephilia into a form of mild transgenderism.
The only politically correct term for cross gender arousal
Because contemporary gender theory states that gender is a matter of self identification, all terms such as ‘cross gender arousal’ and the love of oneself ‘as’ a woman are deemed offensive. If a transgender person is engaging in such fantasy then they are not crossing gender at all, as their gender is that which they identify with and that which they see themselves as, in the fantasy. This leaves Jack Molay’s term as the only acceptable label for such behavior.
This podcast discusses why it is a positive term for the transgender community
Returning to the narrative
It would be convenient if we could say that after the femephiliac proceeds to crossdreaming, the desire to permanently change sex emerges. However, a femephiliac can sometimes skip this phase and abruptly face the sudden desire to be a woman. And of course, only a small percentage pass to this new phase.
Whatever the route, the end result is the same. Some femephiliacs start to not just fantasise or dream about being a woman… they start wanting to be one, permanently. This is when a new player enters the stage: the late onset transsexual.
If you are just starting to explore why you fantasize about being a woman then you should stat with the first article in this series. What is a transvestite, and why are women’s clothes so prevalent in cross gender psychology?