The Psychology of Cuckolding: 5 reasons why a man watches his wife with another man…

by Felix Conrad - Clinical Philosopher on December 27, 2016

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the psychology of cuckolding

1. Because the husband wishes he was in the wife’s place i.e – he’s a crossdreamer.

Crossdreamers are men who get turned on by thinking of themselves as women.

This may involve fantasies of complete female embodiment or something partial like wearing women’s underwear. The crossdreamer is technically heterosexual but also dreams of being a female having sex with a man. The sight of his wife sleeping with another man induces an erotic response that’s part horny, part empathy and part envy.

This may seem confusing, but crossdreaming is a confusing area of sexology. Crossdreamers are often simultaneously attracted to their wives while simultaneously attracted to the idea of having done to them what they are doing to their wives (I told you it was confusing). Thus, if a crossdreamer is spanking his wife, he’s getting off on two levels: by the spanking of his wife, but also by the idea of being spanked.

The psychology of cuckolding in the case of a crossdreamer is, therefore, a case of projection: he wants to be the woman who is being taken by a ‘real man.’ This shouldn’t be interpreted, however, that he literally wants to be his wife (that would be some Silence of the Lambs shit.)

(A video that explores why men let other men have sex with their wives.)

2. Because the husband has a strong fetish for humiliation.

In case you didn’t know, some men get turned on by humiliation. Don’t believe me? Well, enter the term ‘small penis humiliation’ into Google and watch videos of beautiful women laughing at a man’s small penis. And guess what: his little penis gets hard cos it turns him on to be humiliated.

So, just as men who are into breasts like big breasts, men who are into humiliation like big humiliations…and what’s more humiliating for a man than watching a ‘real man’ satisfy his wife?

Cuckolding is, therefore, the holy grail of humiliation.

But why do men and women like humiliation in the first place?

My personal belief (as espoused in other articles) is that it stems from our simian ancestry. Apes live in hierarchical societies in which the alpha gets all the mates because apes are programmed to be attracted to the alpha. When a man is humiliated by a woman (or vice versa) his simian programming labels her as an alpha and he is wildly attracted to her; the more she humiliates him the more turned on he gets.

(You will have to read my book The Science & Art of Transgender Fiction to read about this theory, as well as bonobos – a species of ape where females are dominant.)

Cuckolding has various sub-genres. A common one involves 3 well endowed black men screwing your blonde wife on your honeymoon night. WTF???!!!

Cuckolding has various sub-genres. A common one involves 3 well endowed black men screwing your blonde wife on your honeymoon night!


3. Because the husband is bisexual or bi-curious.

Some straight men have out and out gay fantasies, while others have mixed fantasies with both a man and woman. These mixed fantasies might be the consequence of a sexuality that’s only ‘semi-gay’ or a man that’s too ashamed to fantasize about man on man sex.

Whatever the cause, cuckolding gives a straight man the opportunity to get close to a big hard cock and a big muscly man within a heterosexual framework. There’s no complicated psychology here: basically, the husband likes a bit of c*ck…

…And who can blame him?

4. Because he’s an enlightened man…or…a traditional fuckwit of a cuckold.

For some men, cuckolding isn’t a kinky behaviour that turns them on but a question of open relationships. He allows the woman to have other lovers because he’s an enlightened individual who’s thinking about her sexual needs.

Another man who doesn’t get off on the cuckold vibe is…a traditional cuckold.

Another sub-genre is breeding. Your wife is made pregnant. WTF!!!! x 10

Another sub-genre is breeding. Your wife is made pregnant.

The word cuckold has been in use for centuries and comes from a French word for cuckoo – a bird which lays its eggs in another birds’ nest. In literary history, a cuckold is a loser who can’t satisfy his wife. She mercilessly cuckolds hims and sleeps with lots of men, so he’s cuckolded against his will…but he doesn’t have the will to leave her.

5. All of the above.

Although I would never practice cuckolding myself, I think the idea is pretty hot. However, when I look at the above causes for why it turns me on, I’m not drawn by one answer…

but all of them.

Firstly, I’m a crossdreamer, so I have the empathy/projection part. Secondly, I kind of like guys…but am not sure. Thirdly, I like a bit of good old fashioned humiliation. And…fourthly, I’m vaguely enlightened but also something of a fuckwit.

Thanks, see you next week for more sexological speculation.

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Fiona Levinson January 1, 2018 at 11:19 am

It’s great to have a forum where we can debate topics relating to gender identity and sexual orientation in an honest and challenging way, without political correctness or prejudice intruding.

There’s an old French song about a man who feels cuckolded because his mistress continues to have sex with her husband. Rather than being turned on by it, he’s outraged that she is inverting the natural order of things.

The point being, I suppose, that everything depends on your starting point and the assumptions you bring to the table. My own view is that cross dreaming is caused by a partially or completely feminised gender identity i.e. the fantasies express a core gender orientation rather than forming the well spring from which a cross gender identity later emerges. So in the case of cuckolding fantasies, you’d probably have a core male gender identity that leans slightly to the feminine and passive, sufficient to give dreams of humiliation and bondage some appeal. I think it is unlikely that they would be a prominent feature of an individual’s fantasy life where he/she has a high degree of cross-sexed identity, but I’m not aware of any empirical research on this so it’s an open question I guess.

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